Thousand Mile Wish
by ShadowDanseur
Summary: They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. That may be true, but he would give anything to bridge the thousands of miles seperating them now, do anything to just be able to pick up the phone and hear the sound of her voice.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I got this idea while listening to a song by Finger Eleven. It's not a song fic, it's just where I got the idea. Hope you like it. Feedback is always welcome! Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me (except the original ones, like Riley). Don't sue, I don't own any of it.**

**Spoilers: None.**

**Chapter 1**

He glanced down at the postmark in the corner - it was almost two months old. The return address was smudged from the many different pairs of hands he was sure had handled the envelope, but he could still make out the name: Margaret Scully. The corner of his mouth twitched up in the ghost of a smile. It may take two months for her letter to get here, but Maggie always wrote him. Like mother, like daughter he supposed.

He turned over the envelope and slowly broke open the seal, idly wondering what fun little anecdote she had written about this time. Most of her letters started out with a short story, meant to make him smile or relay a lesson, and always dealing with the same thing - Scully. He doubted her daughter had any idea she was telling him any of this; he wondered what her reaction would be.

He unfolded the letter and was greeted by the sight of Maggie's familiar handwriting. He glanced around the tent - everyone seemed to be taking a break, so he figured he could do the same.

_Dear Fox,_

_When she was five, Dana begged me to let her take horseback riding lessons. At first, I told her no because I was afraid of what a thousand pound animal could do to a little girl. Between her begging and her father's insistence (she always did have him wrapped around her finger), I finally agreed. It wasn't always easy, what with us moving and all, but Dana took lessons all the way until she was eleven. I really believed that she would grow up to do something with horses. Then she turned twelve and suddenly wanted to become a doctor. But that's beside the point. When she was ten, Dana fell in love with her lesson horse, Cole. He was a beautiful black horse, kind of reminded me of black beauty. Anyway, she begged and pleaded with us to buy this horse for her. Her father and I kept dragging our feet about it. We didn't know what would happen the next time Bill got re-stationed, etc. After much debate, we decided we'd buy him for her birthday, as a surprise. The day before her eleventh birthday, Dana and Cole went out for a trail ride; to this day I'm not sure of all the details. All Dana would say is that something spooked him - she wasn't prepared and lost control. Somehow he managed to break his leg; he had to be put down on the spot. It broke Dana's heart. She swore that if she hadn't lost control he would be fine; I think that's when she started to associate loss of control with pain. I also think that was part of the reason she wanted to become a doctor._

_I'll never forget how happy she was when she was with that horse. I know it may be hard for you to imagine, but Dana wasn't always so guarded. Maybe you already know that - I've seen her around you. When she's with you, I see that happy little girl again. I'll never be able to tell you how glad I am that you can do that for her. I'm just sorry that you're separated by so many miles._

_Keep your head up, Fox. I know that the Lord will provide for you and keep you safe, no matter where you go. Write if you get the chance. _

_Godspeed,_

_Maggie_

He could hear conversations picking up behind him as he finished reading the letter, signaling the end of his downtime. He tried to picture a ten year old Dana in his mind, sitting atop a black horse. He tried to bring it into focus, but someone slapped a hand on his shoulder and it was gone.

"Hey Mulder. That a letter from your girl?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, Riley, she's not my girl_."_

"Then who's the letter from?"

"Her mom," Mulder replied matter -of-factly

"So Dana's not your girl, but both her and her mom write you letters regularly?"

The other man just stared at him for a minute, then shrugged when Mulder didn't argue.

"Whatever you say, man. Anyway, break's over."

He sighed and watched Riley walk away. James Riley was the first guy he'd met when he got here, and somehow they'd become friends. In the six months he'd already been in the desert, he and Riley had learned a lot about each other. He was the only person Mulder would talk about Scully to, besides her mother.

Resignedly, he picked up his M-16 and made his way over to the group of guys at the other end of the tent, who were receiving their taskings for the rest of the day. He got there just in time to hear his name called.

"Mulder."

"Over here," he answered

"You and Riley are on fence patrol. Keep your eyes open for insurgents, and watch where you step. You'll be relieved at 0200 by the next shift."

Mulder nodded and glanced down at his watch. It was only six p.m. Eight hours to go. He pushed the thoughts about time from his head and followed Riley out of the tent into the sweltering heat.

"I hate the desert," Riley informed him as they made their way to the barbed wire fence, "It's always hot and dusty."

Mulder let out a low, dry chuckle and pushed his Kevlar helmet up a little farther on his head.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Mulder retorted

Riley laughed.

"Seriously though. Do you remember where you were when you found out?"

"Like it was yesterday."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: As always, feedback is much anticipated and greatly appreciated! Give me your thoughts. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, except the original characters.**

**Spoilers: None.**

**7 Months Earlier**

Bright sunlight was streaming in through the window, illuminating even the darkest corners of their office.

Scully obviously wasn't in yet - it was pretty early, but it was a Friday and he wanted to get the work part of the day over and done with. He just wanted to go home and relax, maybe have a beer and watch a movie. Anything but watch the news.

Things had gotten bad again over in Iraq and Afghanistan. Bad had escalated to worse quickly: Al Qaeda was claiming to have a secret weapon they would unleash upon the U.S. unless the President pulled out all American troops in the next month. The President, of course, had responded by nearly doubling the troops in the Middle East in an effort to track down Al Qaeda and their "weapon". The U.S. military was spread thin; any troops not already in the desert, any of them lucky enough to remain stateside were on high alert. American politicians were at war with each other, arguing every viable angle on the situation.

Mulder had had enough of it. He knew what was going on, and how bad things were, but he was trying not to delve too far into it.

"It's Friday, Mulder, try not to look so pensive."

He glanced up to see Scully in the doorway, dressed immaculately as always. She had two cups of coffee in her hands, and she walked over and sat one down in front of him on his desk.

"I'm hoping this makes the day go faster," She told him

He smiled and took a drink from his cup. He watched her sit down in the chair across from him, her hair on fire in the early morning sunlight.

"So, anything big planned for today?" She asked

"I thought I'd change things up a bit," He answered slyly

"And how are you going to do that?" She challenged

"By not having anything planned," He replied with a grin, "I figured we could catch up on some paperwork, maybe even call it an early Friday."

"You're right, that is changing it up," She told him with a mock - impressed look on her face

He smiled, pleased that he had gotten even just a smile from her. Truth be told, he was looking forward to spending a normal day in the office with her, exchanging idle banter over dull paperwork as was their custom.

Mulder finished off his coffee and stood to stretch; already the sunlight was making him restless.

"Have you watched the news today?" Scully asked him

"Nope. Couldn't bring myself to. It's so nice outside, I didn't want to ruin it."

"Don't you think it's kind of important we stay updated?" She asked as she stood and approached the television

"C'mon, Scully, can't we just ignore it for the day? Catch up on the news tomorrow?"

She only gave him a small glare and hit the power button. The television flickered to life almost instantly, and she wasn't surprised to find that the channel was already set to CNN.

A blonde newscaster was on the television, the Whitehouse the backdrop for her address.

"…In the most controversial move we've seen in decades. Again, if you're just tuning in, the President has just put into effect the draft, calling for all capable men between the ages of 18 and 45 to enlist in the military during this state of war. More information will be coming down as we receive it …"

He was frozen to his spot a few feet behind her, the only things moving his eyes and his thoughts. How could this be? He couldn't leave her, couldn't accept that he would have to go impossible lengths of time without seeing her or hearing her voice. How could the President do this?

A small sound permeated the room, a sound he couldn't quite seem to place, but would guess had come from the small woman before him. That small sound of distress seemed to empower him, seemed to unglue his legs and drive him to action. He walked forward and took her hand in his without so much as a sound, but she didn't seem at all surprised by the act. She just stood there, staring at the television screen in disbelief.

"… the draft?" She repeated in a small voice

He said nothing. There wasn't anything he could say; not to her, not to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Present Day**_

"What about you, Riley?" Mulder asked after a long pause, "Where were you when you found out?"

"At home, with my wife and son. I heard the news first, had to think of the gentlest way to explain it to them. Kendra - that's my wife - she just cried. But Mike, my son, he just lifted his chin and said 'you'll be okay, dad. You have to come home and teach me to play baseball.' He's only five, but he sounded so confident when he said it. Anyway, I was gone two weeks later. How long did you have after you found out?"

"About the same. There wasn't much paperwork, considering I was already a government employee."

"How did your lady take it?" Riley asked as they walked along the fence

"She took it … like Scully," he answered

Riley chuckled and stopped to look more closely at a grouping of rocks, careful not to disturb anything. Satisfied that they were just a bunch of harmless desert rocks, they started walking again.

"Why do you laugh?"

"Several reasons. Firstly, you didn't correct me when I called her your lady. Secondly, I get a kick out of the fact you call her by her last name. Why is that?"

"I guess it's just because that's what I'm used to. After seven years it's more like a term of endearment than a last name."

"You love her?"

"It's complicated," he replied

"That's bullshit, man," Riley shot back, "You're in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, looking for people who want us dead. You haven't seen her in at least six months, if not more, and you still can't admit that you love her?"

"She knows," he said softly

"Have you told her? Have you looked her in the eye and said 'I love you'?"

"No."

"Then she doesn't know. Trust me, man, you have to actually tell your woman you love her. They need to hear you say it. You didn't even tell her you loved her when you left?"

He shook his head, feeling the black gaping hole that was his need to simply just see her rip open in his heart.

"Why the hell not?" Riley demanded

"She asked me not too," he said simply

Riley seemed to have more to say on the subject, but he didn't press. Maybe he could sense his friend's distress, because he fell silent. They continued to walk the fence line, one watching the ground and the other the fence.

Truth be told, Mulder had spent a lot of time thinking about the last time he had seen Scully. He had replayed their conversations in his mind, recalled every detail in what she was wearing and how she looked.

They had spent most of their time together those last few weeks. Mulder had flown out of D.C. on Saturday - they had skipped work on Thursday and Friday. Well, Scully had skipped work; Mulder had been told he didn't need to come to work obviously, since he had a lot to take care of. Scully had just told Skinner that Mulder was going to need help getting his affairs in order, as was always the case. Mulder doubted that Skinner had given her any resistance on the subject, or that she would have paid it any heed if he had. So they had spent all day Thursday going through his apartment, making sure he was packed and letting his landlord know that Scully was going to be the one taking care of his place while he was away. It actually hadn't taken them long to go through everything, which had mostly been a good thing. Except that it had thrown into sharp relief just how empty certain aspects of his life were.

He pushed those thoughts from his mind and focused on that last Friday before he left. Friday had been bittersweet. Scully had called him early that morning and told him to come over, and be sure to bring all of his stuff and lock up his apartment because he wouldn't be going back. He hadn't argued, silently glad that she needed to spend as much time with him as he needed to spend with her. So he had loaded up his bag and was knocking on her door within the hour.

They hadn't done anything really different that day. They talked about everything except the one thing that weighed heaviest on his mind - them. He had debated all day on what to say and how to say it, but kept losing his nerve. He was afraid it would sound hollow in the face of everything that was going on. Afraid that she would see it as merely his fear of being without her. That was part of it, of course, the fear that something would happen to him and he would have never told her the truth.

Then, somehow in all of her wisdom and glory that was amazingly Scully, she had both saved them and damned them.

They had just finished watching the newest version of King Kong and eating dinner when she turned to him with that look. That look that said she had something important on her mind that she didn't know how to put into words.

"Mulder," She began gently

"Mulder."

He glanced up from his memory to see not Scully, but Riley looking at him.

"Where were you just then?"

"Thinking about home," he said with a sigh, "Wondering if I'll ever see it again. IF I'll ever see her again."

Riley just nodded and shifted his gun. The weariness showed in his face, just as Mulder was sure it showed on his. He couldn't imagine doing this with a kid at home.

"I hate this job, man," Riley acquiesced, "I wanna hold my wife again. See grass. All that good shit."

"How long do you think they'll keep us over here?"

"I don't know. It could be a really long time, depending on how things go over here. There's just really no way to tell."

Mulder kicked grumpily at a rock. He had never been a very religious man, but he found that he had started praying. Maybe he had finally found some of Scully's faith.

"How much longer do we have on this shift?" Mulder questioned

"If I tell you, you'll curse. I'll just say awhile and leave it at that."


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note: Sorry guys, I know it gets kinda confusing when I jump from past to present. I'll try to make sure they're marked or something to make it easier. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, I'm glad you like it. :) Enjoy!_**

She was staring at an almost blank piece of paper, pen in hand. The paper had two words on it - Dear Mulder. That was as far as she'd gotten. It wasn't that she didn't have anything to say; rather, she had too much to say and no idea how to say it.

She stood and stretched, frustrated. If he was here she could just look at him and he'd understand. If he were here … well, if he was here she wouldn't be having this problem. If he were here she could hug him, instead of clinging pathetically to his shirt at night.

Scully sighed. When had it come to this? When had she become so dependent upon him? When had her happiness hinged so completely on his presence in her life? Why wasn't she bothered by it?

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Dana, it's mom."

Scully smiled to herself.

"Hi, mom. What's up?"

"How are you doing darling?" Maggie asked

"I've been better," She answered honestly

"Tonight's not such a good night, huh? I'm sorry, dear. Would you like some company?"

"It's late, mom, I don't want you to drive that far …"

"I just pulled up. See you in a minute."

The other line went dead. Scully chuckled and hung up the phone. Her mother had been doing that a lot lately, showing up unexpectedly. She had a hunch it was because her mother was worried about her being lonely now that Mulder was gone, and she was. It was kind of nice, spending more time with her mother. She just wished it was under different circumstances.

She had just walked into her kitchen when her mother opened the door.

"I brought tea," Maggie said, holding up the box

"Everything okay, mom?"

"Of course, dear. I just thought we could talk. Tell me about work."

"It's work. Everything and everyone is strained, what with half the bureau gone for the draft. I never realized how few women there were until they took out all the men."

Maggie laughed and pulled two coffee mugs out of the cupboard. Scully found herself suddenly quiet when she caught sight of the mugs. One of them, although nondescript in appearance, stood out in stark relief - it was the cup Mulder had used his last morning here. She had never thought any of her coffee mugs would be worth what that one now was to her.

"Dana? Are you alright?"

She glanced away from the mug, only now realizing that she had been staring at it.

"Sorry, mom," she apologized sheepishly, "I was lost in thought."

"Anything in particular?" Maggie asked as she made them tea

Scully didn't answer. What would she say? That's Mulder's mug? That was ridiculous.

"It's Fox, isn't it?" Her mother prodded

She turned away, tears springing to her eyes. How long had it been since she'd seen him, heard the sound of his voice even?

"It's alright, Dana," the older woman soothed, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I know how you feel. It's the same way I used to feel every time your dad was gone on deployment. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you're lonely."

"Oh, mom," She said on a sob, trying not to cry, "I don't even know how it got like this. When did this happen?"

Maggie just laughed and rubbed circles on her back, the way she had when Dana was a little girl and needed comforting.

"Oh, honey, it happened years ago. Even I can tell you that."

"What?" She exclaimed in surprise

"Tell you what. Why don't I finish making the tea and then we can sit and have a nice heart to heart," Maggie told her, smiling

Scully nodded in agreement, taking a deep breath to steady herself. Maybe talking to her mother would help her deal with his absence. It couldn't hurt.

She left her mother to finish what she was doing and took a spot on the couch, glancing over at the still blank letter on her desk. What could she write about that wouldn't betray her loneliness, her almost physical ache to be near him again?

Maggie joined her on the couch then, and either by fate or just pure luck she handed her daughter 'Mulder's cup'.

"Now," She said in her familiar mothering tone, "Tell me what's wrong. And be honest - I won't tell anyone."

"I just miss him so much," She began in a voice near a whisper, "Sometimes it feels like his presence is still hanging in the air. I can't even remember when it came to be like this."

"When it came to be like what, dear?"

"When I became so dependent on having him in my life that it's like a physical ache to be without him."

"You never know when it happens," Maggie said matter - of - factly, "Or how. You just know that you wake up one day and can't stand to be without them. And each day they're gone is like torture."

She just stared at her mom for a moment, completely silent. This must have been how her mother felt every time her father was every, felt the same desperate longing to see his face.

"I had no idea it was like this."

"I had you children," Her mother pointed out, smiling and patting her arm, "So he wasn't completely gone, and I was never really alone. I was grateful for that. But you … well, I know there's a lot of unfinished business with you two, which can make being separated that much more unbearable. Did you guys talk about it before he left?"

She shook her head dejectedly.

"I'm almost certain he wanted to say something, but I asked him not to."

"Why?" Maggie queried

"Because I don't think I could do this if we'd verbalized it. I couldn't have told him how I felt and then watched him get on that plane. It would have torn me apart."

"More than it's tearing you apart now?"

"I guess not. But, Mom, I was - am - so afraid to admit it. And I can't tell him now because I refuse to do it in a letter. I need him to know that I'm not just saying it because I'm afraid he'll get hurt."

"Well, then, don't flat out tell him. Just allude to it. Tell him how much you miss him. His voice. Arguing with him, even. Tell him how empty your days are without his presence. If he knows you as well as I think he does, he'll know what you're really saying."

A tear slid down Scully's cheek, but she was smiling. Her mother was probably the best woman she would ever know.

"I love you, Mom," She said, hugging her

"I love you too, Dana."


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far! I'm glad you are enjoying it. I'm having a lot of fun writing Maggie's letters and creating a past for Scully. I'm trying to stay true to her character while taking certain liberties. ;) _**

**_Chapter 5:_**

For Mulder, the days just seemed to melt together like ice in the summer heat. He did as he was told and lived for his next letter. He kept mostly to himself, spending his free time either talking to Riley of writing letters. It was a miserable existence, he supposed, but he tried not to think about it. Instead, he thought about her.

On this particular day, Mulder and Riley had just finished their patrol and sat down to take off their boots when they started mail call. He was exhausted and only half paying attention when he heard his name called. Surprised and excited, he retrieved his mail and was surprised to find not one letter, but three. One from Maggie and two from Scully, all postmarked around the same time. He wondered if they had sat down and written him together, and the thought made him smile.

He debated which one to open first, and after several minutes finally decided to open Maggie's first. She always had a good story, and he wanted to keep the anticipation alive for Scully's letter as long as he could.

He sat down heavily on his bunk and nearly ripped open the envelope.

_Dear Fox,_

_Missy was always a girly girl. She loved to play dress up and run around our house in heels. But Dana, well, she just wasn't interested in that stuff. She loved to climb trees and read books and play sports. Her favorite sport was soccer. She always said she was good at it because it didn't matter how tall you were, but how fast you could run and how well you could control the ball. And that's how she lived her life, always running and controlling everything. Before you, there was no one who could keep up with Dana. She had so much she wanted to do, and she wouldn't slow down for anyone. Then she met you - someone who could not only keep up, but maybe even outrun her. For once she was chasing someone else around, not vice versa. But somewhere, somehow, in all that running, she started losing something - that iron control of hers. She would never admit it, but I've seen it for myself. Whenever you were injured or in trouble she'd let that control slip. As time wore on, it would slip more often and for longer; I don't even think she knew it was happening. But she needed it. She needed you. Do you see how help each other, make each other better? You may not even be aware it's happening, but it is. And that's how you know; that's how you know it's real, and true, and pure. The way it should be._

_Godspeed,_

_Maggie_

He was at a loss for words. Maggie Scully was a remarkable woman. He would have been embarrassed by her observations if they weren't true, or if he was still at a point where he cared about embarrassment. All that mattered now was getting back to Scully and telling her all of this, face to face.

Scully. He glanced at her letters, wondering which to open first. He chose the one with the oldest postmark date, figuring it was the one she'd written first. It was only a difference of three days. He peeled open the envelope and took note of how his hands started to shake as he pulled out the letter. Just the sight of her delicate, beautiful handwriting made his pulse quicken.

_Dear Mulder,_

_It's strange not to see men when I show up to work. I never actually realized just how many men worked at the bureau until they were all gone. Although it is a lot quieter._

_Sometimes I can't handle our little basement office. It sounds crazy, but the air still holds your scent and carries the echo of your voice. I miss your voice - I miss you, of course, but I would feel better if I could just talk to you. If I could just know for certain you're alright, and not just hope and pray that my letters are getting to you._

_My mother visits often. She doesn't want to feel lonely, but I do. I'm lonely without you, Mulder. I hate that feeling. I guess I never considered how much time we spend together, or how dependent I've become on your presence in my life. How unfortunate that I should realize it now, when I am powerless._

_Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, because it may or may not be too much for you to deal with considering, but I have a secret. You left your grey t-shirt here that last night and it smells just like you and the cologne you were wearing. Well, that shirt is in my bedroom and whenever your absence gets unbearable I'll go and hold onto it. It sounds ridiculous, but it helps me feel closer to you._

_I wish I could say this to your face, Mulder, instead of in a stupid letter. It just doesn't seem right, or fair. Then again, I guess we should be used to that in our lives, shouldn't we? Nothing ever works out fairly for us - if it did, we wouldn't be here._

_You'll be happy to know you haven't missed any good cases. Even the paranormal seems to be on hold for this infernal war. I can't really say I mind, though. I wouldn't feel comfortable working cases knowing you're not there to watch my back._

_Anyway, time passes and I continue to live some semblance of a normal life, waiting for this foolishness to end so you can come home to your X-Files, to your life. To me._

_Without Wax,_

_Scully_

_P.S. I assume you must get bored over there, so I've given you a little mystery _

_To solve. Without wax has a meaning - tell me what it is._

He glanced up from the letter, perplexed. Without wax? How the hell was he supposed to know what that meant? Better yet, how did she expect him to find out?

Mulder shook his head and set the letter next to him on the bed. His mind was filled with her words, with the promises they held. Her confession about the shirt had moved him deeply. He could close his eyes and picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, clutching his shirt. It was a good image.

He picked up the second letter, wondering what it could possibly be that warranted a second letter so soon after the first.

He had just put a finger under the flap to tear open the seal when the ground suddenly shook beneath him. Almost simultaneously his ears were filled with the sound of alarms and shouting voices.

"We're under fire," His commanding officer yelled, "Everyone out."

Mulder pulled on his boots in a frantic rush, the second letter laying forgotten on his cot.

"Mulder!" Someone hollered, "C'mon man, we gotta get out of here!"

Riley was there then, yanking him to his feet and shoving his gun into his hands. Then they were running out of the tent, two people among a mass of jostling bodies.

Mortars were exploding all around them, a cacophony of dull roars and high pitched whistles that assaulted his ears.

He had no idea where he was going as he followed Riley, hoping that his friend had at least some idea. He couldn't just follow the crowd, as everyone seemed to be racing off in different directions.

The mortar blasts were punctuated with the sound of gunfire, and he became aware that they were in combat. Insurgents seemed to be swarming over the fences, not at all slowed by the explosions around them.

"Riley!" He hollered

The other man stopped his head long rush, apparently also becoming aware of the dire situation.

"Back to back!" He yelled, and Mulder complied but nearly slamming his back into Riley

"Fire at will!" The other man cried

The M-16 fired in rapid succession, the recoil making the butt of his gun tight against his shoulder. All around them Americans and insurgents fired upon each other, men from both sides falling too fast to count.

"We're outnumbered!" Mulder informed him

"We need cover," Riley replied, "There's a bunker about 20 paces to your right. On three, break and run for it. One."

"Two."

"Three."

They said three in unison and dove away from the oncoming wall of insurgents, jumping to their feet and sprinting for the bunker.

He could hear incoherent yelling, unsure if the words were spoken in English or some foreign language, but they sounded hostile and passionate. Bullets were whizzing past him and Riley was starting to pull ahead. They weren't far from the bunker, just a few more paces …

A searing pain split open his back, white - hot and blinding in its intensity. He stumbled and fell forward into the sand and rocks, crippled by the pain. He could see Riley running back to where he had fallen and he wanted to yell at him to keep going and leave him behind. Riley had a wife and son, all he had was Scully … Scully …


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's Note: thanks for the reviews! hope you are all enjoying it. This chapter is kind of intense. ;) Tell me what you think ... _**

**_Chapter 6:_**

She could remember exactly how she felt that first time she'd seen Diana anywhere near Mulder: angry as hell. Livid, even. She would never admit it, but she had known the truth then. The anger was just a cover for the fear, the jealousy. How dare she trespass on Scully's territory? She had chose to leave Mulder, to leave the X-Files. She had no business with either in Scully's opinion, and she wanted to kick her out then and there. She should have.

Mulder always did things the hard way, even when he didn't know it. He couldn't just let her come to terms with her feelings for him on her own, he had to go and throw in an old flame. Not that he had ever had any idea just what Diana's presence had done to her. How she had tortured herself with the image of the other woman holding his hand, a hand she had no right to touch. How she had broken down and cried sitting there on her couch when she'd finally acknowledged the depth and scope of her feelings for him. She'd been so ready to throw in the towel right then, just admit defeat and walk away. It had been her pride and foolish hope that made her stay, and thank God she had.

A bead of sweat rolled down her temple and she swatted it away tiredly. Why did it have to be so hot? She was almost convinced that when Hell was mentioned in the Bible, they were talking about Afghanistan.

The tasking had come down just a few days after her heart to heart with her mother. The war effort was in need of more doctors in the Middle East - all unmarried, childless doctors were being called upon, but this time women were included in the call to arms. She'd barely had enough time to get things straightened out with her mother and pen another quick letter to Mulder before they were shipping her off.

Things were crazy on this end. Doctors worked at least twelve hour shifts, if not more, constantly performing surgery on severely injured troops and pulling shrapnel from their battered bodies. It was tiring, gruesome work, unlike anything she'd ever done before. She was assigned to one of the central medical stations in this part of the country, so they were constantly having people life-flighted in from other areas. They had the highest concentration of doctors in all the surrounding areas, which translated into a lot of patients and long nights for her.

She hadn't been here very long and already she was weary, tired of all the death and pain and countless soldiers she couldn't save. She'd only had time to write her mother one letter, just to let her know that she was here and safe and this was where to send her letters. She had yet to hear back from her, which wasn't really surprising. Her letter had probably only gotten to the states recently, or maybe it wasn't even there yet. Thousands of letters went out everyday.

Her thoughts shifted back to Mulder again and she wondered where he was, and if he was close. She knew he was in Iraq, somewhere on the outskirts of Baghdad, but she was unsure of how far that was from her. She wanted to ask, but she had yet to get the chance. She tried to imagine his reaction to her letter, the look on his face when he'd read where they were sending her; tried to imagine what he would say if he found out she'd brought his t-shirt with her all the way from D.C., her only tangible reminder of him.

Scully sighed and wiped more beads of sweat from her brow. She had just finished a ten and a half hour shift, on of the shorter ones she'd worked. It was dark outside, a small relief because it dropped the temperature a few degrees. She was willing to bet it was still somewhere near one hundred degrees or hotter, but at least the sun had gone down.

She was feeling uneasy and anxious tonight. A great, enveloping hand of dread had wrapped its icy fingers around her heart and squeezed, but she couldn't figure out why she felt this way or why it had come upon her so suddenly.

She sat down with pen and paper to write a letter to Mulder, try and make herself feel better, but the ink never touched the paper. The loudspeaker system set up throughout the base crackled to life and a tired voice came on.

"Attention everyone, incoming wounded."

Scully cursed out loud and left the unwritten letter where it lay, irritated and immeasurably sad that there seemed to be no end to the injured. The area outside their makeshift hospital was already in a state of chaos as doctors and nurses scurried about like mice in a maze.

The first casualties were arriving, the trucks kicking up dust and rocks as they pulled in. The floodlights were on full force, casting strange shadows against the buildings and giving the whole scene an air of desperate misery. Then Scully was off, kicking into gear as a triage doctor.

The first person she came to, a young male, was already dead. His stomach was ripped open from what looked like a mortar blast. She continued on to a second, a woman with a gash above her eye and her arm blown off from the elbow down. She was alive but unconscious, her life probably saved by the tourniquet someone had had enough sense to put on her. Scully barked out orders to the nearest nurse: the woman was a priority two, seriously injured but alive and not currently bleeding. Without waiting for a for a response from the nurse she was off again.

The third person she came to was not only awake but coherent. He was bleeding from his shoulder but otherwise appeared to be fine.

"Sir, can you tell me your name?" Scully asked in her most calming tone

"Please, you have to help my friend!" The man replied frantically

"Just calm down, Sir. I'll get to your friend. Can you tell me your name?"

"Jim. My name is Jim. Now can you please go help my friend, he's right there!"

"I'll get to your friend just as soon as I …"

"No! You have to help him now, I think he's dying! Please. I can wait, it's just my shoulder. Please don't let him die."

"Alright, Jim," She finally agreed, "Which one is your friend?"

"He's right there."

She turned and looked to where he was pointing. The man just to their left was lying face down on his stretcher, and from here it didn't look good. She approached him anyway. He had taken what looked like two or three bullets to the back, but what commanded her attention was a massive tear along his back that she was certain was pretty deep, but couldn't immediately check because of the large piece of shrapnel still jutting out from him.

She almost didn't check for a pulse, fairly convinced the man was dead, but she did it anyway. To her mild surprise, a weak pulse fought against the pressure of her finger on his neck.

"Is he alive?" Jim asked fearfully, "Please tell me Mulder's alive."

Scully's head whipped around so fast she could almost hear her neck crack.

"What did you just call him?" She demanded, all calmness gone

"Mulder. It's his name …"

"Fox Mulder?" She challenged, heart fluttering wildly in her chest

"How do you know that?" Jim asked, astonished

She never answered him. She was screaming for a nurse, for anyone. She lifted him ever so slightly, desperate to be sure and hoping it wasn't him. Despite the damage to his back, it was still Mulder's beautiful face she saw, somehow unmarred and peaceful in unconsciousness.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Note: I am loving your reviews guys! Thank you so much for the support. I know that the last chapter was a little predictable, having them meet up like that, but I had to make the sacrifice so I could get on with the story. :) Enjoy!_**

**_Chapter 7:_**

She fought with everyone to let her operate, to let her take care of him, but they refused. They escorted her back to her tent and told her to wait, they would send word. So she had sat on the edge of her cot, dropped her head in her hands and cried. She hadn't moved in what she was sure had been hours, those icy fingers of dread pulling her heart down into her stomach and holding it there. Her worst nightmare had come true. Mulder was no more than two hundred feet away from her, yet she couldn't go to him. If he died … oh God, he could die, really die this time and she was powerless. She wouldn't even have the chance to say goodbye.

"Dr. Scully?"

She looked up, afraid of what she would see, what she would hear. A young nurse stood before her, still in her blood covered scrubs. She looked tired. Scully steeled herself for the news.

"I have no idea how, but he made it. He's alive."

Scully's breath hitched in her lungs and came out on a broken sob, fresh tears pouring down her cheeks.

"He's alive?" She repeated

The nurse nodded.

"He's pretty tore up. We thought we lost him at one point. No one really knows how he made it all the way over here, and then all the way through the surgery, but he did. His friend demanded they be on adjoining cots. You can see him now, of course, but the doctor gave him some pretty heavy meds so he may not be awake."

She was vaguely aware of thanking the nurse as she sped past her and out the door, her only concern seeing Mulder.

All the post - op patients were kept in the same area until they were fit to be moved, so she knew exactly where to go. She just had to find him.

She barged through the double doors and was assaulted by the antiseptic smell of the air, white washed walls and military green blankets. She glanced first left, then right and her eyes landed on what she instinctively knew to be Mulder's sleeping form. She recognized Jim on his left, awake and reading a book on of the nurse's must have given him.

She approached slowly, her eyes raking over his bandaged back. They had left his shirt off, but nearly all of his back was covered in bandages. She kneeled down beside him, gently brushing a hair from his forehead. He didn't move. She watched the rise and fall of his torso as he breathed, reassuring herself that he really was alive.

"How's he doing?" A soft male voice inquired

She glanced up. Jim had put his book down and was looking at her for an answer. His shoulder was bandaged and in a sling. She searched his face and saw concern looking out at her.

"He's been better, but he's alive," She answered finally

"Good. I have to tell you though, miss, he has a lady."

For the first time in ages, Scully let out a small and quiet chuckle.

"A lady?" She queried

"Yeah, back home in the states," Jim continued, "And he's pretty taken with her."

"Good to know he's been talking about me," She answered calmly

For a second the other man just looked at her, confused. Then understanding seemed to dawn on him and he blushed a furious red.

"You're Dana?"

"Last time I checked," She joked

Jim shook his head, trying to figure it all out. She glanced back at her partner, but he still hadn't moved. He looked restful, which made her feel better. She wondered what had happened to him and how it was that he had gotten so injured.

"He never told me you were a doctor," Jim said conversationally

"That's not surprising. I'm primarily an FBI agent. I went to school to be a doctor and then changed my mind. They recruited me straight out of the Bureau. How about you, Jim? What do you do?"

"I'm just a paper pusher. I work for one of the corporate offices of Southwest Airlines."

"That sounds like a good job," She said sincerely

"It's not bad. My wife is a fifth grade teacher."

"Do you have any kids?" Scully asked

"One. My son, Mike. He's five."

With his good hand Jim reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed her a picture of a pretty brunette woman and a sandy haired boy, both smiling and happy. Scully thought about them and how they must be worried about Jim, and she was angry. War took families and ripped them apart, sometimes forever. There were kids and wives everywhere missing their husbands. Despite her anger, however, she knew that it was a necessary evil. They were over here in this hell because of those people, because of their families. Freedom wasn't free, but she and many others would give their lives for it. Just as Mulder nearly had.

She glanced back down at him, running her hand through his still unruly hair. He stirred a little then, just a slight movement of his shoulder, but it made her feel better.

"Well, Jim," She said, "I need to go, but I'll be back to check on you both."

She rose and smiled at the other man, who said goodbye and went back to his book. She left the building and went out into the hot night air, heart racing. She fingered the small gold cross hanging at the hollow of her throat. She wasn't sure whether to thank God or curse him. She had wanted so desperately to see Mulder, but not like this. Too many times she had been in this same spot, visiting him at the hospital and worrying that he might not be okay.

_We have to stop this,_ she thought to herself as she made her way back to her tent. _Why can't we just be normal? Just get married and settle down, maybe have some kids and live out the rest of our lives in peace._ She grinned at that. Of all the things a life with Mulder could be, normal wasn't one of them. Interesting, terrifying, exhilarating … never normal.

She plopped unceremoniously onto her cot, finally allowing her body to relax a little. She mulled over what a life with Mulder would be like, wondered when she had admitted to herself that a life with him was what she wanted. When she was younger, she hadn't thought of herself as the settling down type. She'd always been so restless, always looking for the next challenge. In the years she had spent with him, though, that had changed. She had spent so long staring into the darkness with him, pulled him back from it so often it was almost a routine now. All of the terrible things they had seen in their line of work just made her think about all of the wonderful things she was missing. Having someone to go home to at night; having a home, even.

Scully sighed and kicked off her shoes. Her mother would laugh at her if she knew any of this, just shake her head in that motherly way she had and say "I told you so". Then she would busy herself with wedding plans and start harassing her daughter for grandchildren.

She would not have been able to pinpoint when it was that she dozed off, but Scully's last waking thought was of Mulder mowing the front yard of their nonexistent home.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note: Yay for a longer chapter! :) I had a lot to say in this chapter, and probably will in the next one too. I'm loving your reviews guys, thank you so much for your support and encouragement. Sorry this chapter was a little long in coming, I had to keep you guys hanging! ;) just kidding. Anyway, enjoy!_**

**_Chapter 8:_**

Mulder was aware of a dull throbbing pain lacing the entire length of his back. He could feel something underneath him, but was fairly certain it wasn't rocks. He could hear soft talking coming from somewhere near him, but they weren't voices he recognized. He unglued his eyes slowly, feeling groggy and disoriented. The first thing he saw was Riley, sitting up and reading a book. His arm was in a sling, and maybe it was the clean white color of the bandage that made the memory come rushing back to him. The sound of guns firing and threats yelled in a foreign language, the feeling of his back being ripped open as he tried desperately to tell Riley to leave him behind.

"Riley?"

His voice was raspy from the lack of use, and it was so soft that he wasn't sure his friend heard him. But then Riley turned and looked at him, a relieved smile plastering his face.

"Hey, man," Riley greeted, putting down the book, "How ya feeling?"

"Like hell," He replied, licking his cracked and dried lips, "Where the hell are we and what happened?"

He began to sit up, but the going was slow. Every movement made his back feel like it was ripping open, and he bit the inside of his cheek to hold in a yell. He could remember running for the bunker, and the sound of a mortar blast nearby. Everything else was just a hazy blur.

"We're in a hospital in Afghanistan," Riley answered, turning to face him

"Afghanistan? How the hell did we get here?"

"One question at a time," Riley chided, "Or I'll forget what you asked. You were injured from the mortar blast. I came back for you - and got shot, I might add - and dragged you back to the bunker, where I radioed for help."

"Are we the only ones that made it out?" He queried, afraid of the answer

"No. They got a lot of us, but we took them out as well. I think our death toll was around thirty; theirs was well over that."

"Where did they come from?"

Riley just shook his head. None of the details of the event had been released yet, so there was no information to share. Mulder had finally reached a seated position and was on the edge of his bed, facing Riley. The other man wondered whether or not to warn him about the extent of his injuries, but decided against it. A doctor could explain it much better than he could.

"How long have I been out?" Mulder asked, interrupting his thoughts

"About three days total, if you don't count the day it happened."

"Three days?" He repeated incredulously

"Well, they kept you sedated for the first thirty six hours. It was imperative that you remain as still and relaxed as possible. The rest of the time you slept willingly."

Mulder shook his head. Three days. He straightened his shoulders unconsciously and instantly regretted it. Whatever had happened to him, he must have been riddled with bullet holes. He wondered what his back looked like, wondered what Scully would think of his scars.

Scully. His thoughts stopped and stuck on her name. He dimly remembered the letter he'd left laying unopened on his cot. He mourned the loss of her words, the thought that he would never know what she had wanted to tell him. He needed to write her a letter; should he mention his injuries, or just wait and let her find out when he got home? That was probably the best bet, because if he knew his Scully as well as he thought he did she would only drive herself crazy with worry.

"You shouldn't be up, Mr. Mulder," A feminine voice said then

He glanced up to see a pretty young nurse coming toward him. She smiled at him, a calm smile that was no doubt meant to reassure her patients.

"I think I've been laying down long enough," He answered, "Can I speak to a doctor?"

"Of course. I'll be right back."

She left then, and Mulder caught the strangest look on Riley's face. It was like he was hiding a smile, or perhaps a smirk. He didn't have a chance to comment on it, though, because the nurse returned then with a middle aged man he assumed was a doctor.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" The stranger asked

"I'd like to talk to someone about my injuries," Mulder answered

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I have strict orders. You are only to speak to your doctor about these matters."

"And where is my doctor?" He shot back

"In surgery."

He nodded. Of course. This was no doubt a busy hospital, and he had no choice but to wait until his doctor came to see him. The idea of not knowing irked him, but he supposed he didn't have much of a choice. The doctor excused himself, taking the nurse with him. Mulder sighed and glanced up at Riley, who was once again engrossed in his book.

"How's your arm?" Mulder asked, trying to hide the guilt in his voice

"It's fine," Riley replied, "Just sore. The bullet grazed my collar bone; it wasn't very deep, thankfully. Kendra's gonna have a fit when she sees it."

Mulder snorted.

"I don't wanna think about how Scully is gonna take it."

"I think 'have a fit' is a suitable way to describe it."

His heart leapt all the way up into his throat. He didn't move, didn't even take another breath. He was certain that he was hallucinating, but he knew the sound of her voice so well. He could recognize it anywhere, above every other sound in the world. That musical lilt and the way his name rolled off her tongue. His mind was seized by the terrifyingly exciting possibility of the idea, but revolted at the same time. That Scully, his Scully, should be here in this God forsaken place was just not possible.

"How ya doing today, Jim?"

"Good, Dana."

Then she was there, standing before him and just to his left. She was really there, his beautiful partner. Her red hair was pulled into a short ponytail, a white lab coat wrapped around her petite form. Everything was the same, even the look she was giving him now. It was that same look she had every time he was injured, like she was fighting just to breathe. Her eyes sparkled with a layer of tears that he swore was saved up just for him. His heart hurt looking at her, standing so quietly before him. He drank in the sight of her, both blessing and cursing whatever force had brought them together.

"Scully."

He breathed her name, a soft wistful sound that was meant for her ears alone. That seemed to be all the encouragement she needed, because she moved forward and kneeled down in front of him, placing her hands on his knees. For a few long moments they merely gazed at each other, each memorizing every new line and scar on the others face.

"What are you doing here?" He whispered, brushing an errant strand of hair from her face

"They drafted me as a doctor," She answered, "I wrote to you and told you."

"That must have been in the letter I didn't get to read," He told her

"I'd hug you, but your back …"

"I don't care," He interrupted her, wrapping his arms around her, "I'm so happy and so sad to see you here, Scully. This is no place for you."

She wrapped her arms around him ever so gently, just the slightest hint of a touch really. It was enough for him just to hold her though, and he did for several minutes. When he finally released her, she had the most endearing look on her face.

"I've followed you everywhere else," She joked, "Why not halfway around the world and through the desert?"

He laughed, a real laugh for the first time in a long time. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and he leaned into her touch, so familiar and welcome.

"I thought you were dead," She whispered, her voice breaking, "And I was ready to go, right there with you at that moment. I've never been so afraid in my life, Mulder. Don't ever do that again."

"Trust me, Scully, it wasn't something I planned."

He caught a movement out of the corner of his eye then, and the memory of where he was came rushing back to him. He could feel a blush coming on as he glanced over to Riley, ready for his bemused teasing, but the other man was focused entirely on his book.

"I'd introduce you to Riley," He said then, "But I get the impression you've already met."

Scully stood up then, and at the sound of his name Riley looked away from the book.

"She's been here almost every other hour since you got here," His friend told him candidly, "You never told me your lady was a doctor, Mulder."

"How many times have I told you, Riley, she's not …"

"…A practicing doctor," Scully finished then

Mulder wasn't sure if she just didn't catch the pointed look Riley shot at him, or merely chose not to acknowledge it. He was certain the look on Riley's face said something along the lines of "see, she doesn't mind if I call her your lady", and he knew the other man was going to hound him as soon as he could.

"So," Mulder changed the subject, "Are you gonna tell me why it is that my back feels like it's ripping open every time I move?"

She sighed a heavy, worried sigh then and stuffed her hands into her coat pockets.

"The damage to your back is extensive, Mulder," And she was all doctor again, "When you got here, you had a piece of shrapnel the size of a small shoe box lodged in your back."

He tried not to visibly blanch at that. That must have been the searing pain he'd felt as he'd fallen. It left a gruesome image in his mind; he tried not to think about what her expression had been when she'd found him.

"Not to mention the three bullets we pulled from your back," She continued, "I have to say, Mulder, I've seen you pull through some nasty stuff before, but this was unlike anything I've ever seen. I think that piece of shrapnel actually saved you though."

"How?" He questioned

"Well, it acted as sort of a shield. I think it actually deflected a lot of the bullets, and the ones that did get you weren't very deep."

He nodded. Mulder was glad he didn't have to see his back, didn't have to see the ugly and garish wounds left there.

She was watching him, no doubt looking for any traces of post traumatic stress or any other negative signs. He wanted to smile at her, because it was what she did every time he was in the hospital. She was so watchful, his Scully, so careful in her role as guardian angel. Her very presence was like a soothing balm on the ends of his frazzled nerves. The sight of her made breathing easier, made the air sweeter. He was nothing without her, and that had never been more clear to him than now.

Unable to bear being her presence and not having some kind of contact with her any longer, he reached out and took one of her small, beautiful hands in his. He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb, relishing the feeling of her skin on his. He didn't want to think about how long this would last, or how they would be separated again once he was healed. All he wanted to think about was her, and the amazing opportunity that had been given to them. He wanted to tell her everything; he wouldn't let her get away without hearing it this time.

"Scully, we need to talk," He informed her gently

"I know, and we will, But not tonight," She answered with that gentle smile, turning her hand so that they were palm to palm and giving his a squeeze, "You're not healed yet. You need your sleep. Tomorrow."

"Fine, but there's no getting out of it," He replied

"I'm not trying to get out of it," She shot back, "I'm trying to take care of you. And as your doctor, you have to do as I say."

"You've been waiting years to say that, haven't you?" He accused her, laughing

"Of course I have. But now you really have to listen to me. Go to sleep. I'll come by tomorrow when my shift is done. Night, Jim."

"Night, Dana," Jim replied

Scully smiled at him again and gave his hand one last light squeeze. Begrudgingly, he let her hand slip out of his, and he instantly missed the feeling of her skin against his. They said their silent good nights, and then he watched her retreating form until she couldn't be seen any longer.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note: Sorry this update took so long, everyone! Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. I don't know if this will be the last chapter or not, it feels like a good place to end it. But, I still have a lot of ideas on where to take this story. Maybe I'll end this part and start a new story as the second part; a continuation of sorts. Dunno. We'll see. Anyway, enjoy and let me know if it was worth waiting for. ;)_**

**_Chapter 9:_**

It was several days before she actually got the chance to go back and visit Mulder, and by that time he was able to take short walks around the outside of their tent with the help of Riley. She had no way of knowing this beforehand of course; instead, she had been making her way toward the post - op tent when she saw them walking haltingly along. Mulder was walking with one of his arms looped in Riley's uninjured one, leaning on the other man for support. She was unsure of what possessed her to stop and lean concealed against the side of the nearest tent, but that was exactly what she did.

Mulder's movements were still stiff and jerky, but the fact that he was moving at all was good news. He and Riley seemed to be in a conversation, and she thanked God that he had found a friend. She hadn't told anyone, but she had feared what Mulder would do without her. He wasn't a man with mass amounts of friends, and without anyone there to ground him or temper his wild ways she had been terrified to think of the possibilities. Riley was an angel, as far as she was concerned.

They passed closer to where she was standing, and Mulder's voice floated back to her. The two men seemed to be discussing something, and when she caught a glance at Riley's face she was glad to see that he was smiling. Mulder's mood seemed fairly light as well, and she wondered what they were talking about. It healed a little piece of her soul she hadn't known was broken to see him here, just a few feet in front of her. To once again see his gangly frame, that delicious chocolate hair and prominent jaw, made the world seem a little more right again.

She emerged from her spot then, as the men were turned away from her. She approached them and cleared her throat; they turned slowly but immediately, and she smiled at them in greeting.

"There you are," Mulder teased lightly, "And here I thought you'd run away."

"Run away? Who would ever leave this quaint desert paradise?" She shot back sarcastically

Riley chuckled and shifted a little under Mulder's weight. His arm was still in a sling, but he didn't seem to be in much pain.

"Let me relieve you," Scully said then, motioning to their walking arrangement

"I'll crush you, Scully," Mulder said immediately

"Don't be ridiculous, Mulder," Was her reply, "I've hauled you out of places unconscious. This will be a lot easier since you're not a dead weight."

He looked unsure, but she arched that one slim eyebrow at him and he knew the battle was lost. That look meant a lot of things, depending on the situation, but one meaning never changed: he was not going to win this one. Over the years he had just learned to accept it and quit arguing with her, even came to love the sometimes scathing look. It was purely Scully, and there was nothing about her he disliked. Well, except maybe her stubbornness sometimes.

Riley and Scully traded places, and with a wink in Mulder's direction the other man excused himself and disappeared between the tents. They resumed the slow walk he had been keeping with Riley. He was trying not to rest too much of his weight on her, despite her protestations.

"How's your back doing?" She asked

"Still hurts like hell, but it's getting better. The nurse said I would have to start doing stretches soon, limber up the muscles."

"It'll help with the scarring too," She told him distractedly, "Help loosen up the scar tissue so the skin isn't as taut."

They both fell silent then. She had a lot on her mind, a lot she wanted to talk about, but she just couldn't decide if now was the time to do it. She was warring with herself; had been all day. She wasn't sure what would happen to him now, whether they would make him continue to serve or send him home. Either way, they were going to ripped apart again, and she was so afraid of what would happen then.

"What's wrong, Scully?" He prodded gently

"A lot," She replied softly, sighing, "I just don't know if now is the best time …"

He stopped their forward motion then and pulled away from her, coming to stand in front of her so that he could have a clear view of her face. He looked earnest and bewildered.

"This war has made me face a lot of things, Scully. A lot of things about myself and my life. Believe it or not, so has Riley. He's a lot like you."

She smiled and glanced down at her hands. She was nervous, but unsure if it was because of him or herself.

"One thing I've come to realize is that there may never be a 'good time'. We may never get the chance to do or say the things we want the way we've imagined. That doesn't mean that we can't say it at the wrong time and it won't still be beautiful and perfect on its own. We leave a lot to timing and chance, but what if there is no such thing? Maybe we make our own timing, make our own chances. We've already wasted so much time, missed so many opportunities. Who knows how many more we'll have?"

She could feel the tears bubbling behind her eyes, threatening to overflow. Everything he said was true, and it was terrifying. There would never be any going back, never be a way to unsay the things they were about to say. Scully wanted to spill it all so bad, but she was so afraid. She was a coward, she knew, and she didn't care. The truth was, once she said it she would be completely vulnerable - and they would separate them again soon, and she would die inside. Just like she did every time they had to be apart, and every time she saw him in pain. She would die without him.

"When I was certain I was going to die, Scully, when I felt that tearing in my back and I fell to the ground, my last thought was of you, for you. I knew I wasn't going to make it out of there, and the only person I cared about was you. Why? Because, Scully, I …"

"Don't!" She sobbed, turning away from him, "Don't, Mulder, just stop!"

"Why?" He demanded, "Why shouldn't I say it? You asked me not too once, and I didn't. But I should have anyway, and I'm not going to let you stop me this time."

"Please don't," She cried, the tears burning paths down her cheeks, "Don't do this to me, Mulder."

"I know you're scared, Dana," He nearly whispered, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I am too. It's terrifying. But I'm more afraid that I'm not going to make it back one of these days, and I'll die without ever telling you the truth. Without ever telling you that I love you. That I was yours the first time you hugged me. That never in my whole life did I imagine that I could love someone as passionately as I love you. You are the meaning in my life, the reason I live and breathe and wake up every day. Without you there is nothing. I am nothing."

She cried and cried, unable to stop it. His words rang deep within her soul; the butterflies in her stomach flip flopped over themselves. If ever there had been more beautiful words spoken in the history of mankind, then surely she had never heard them. She turned and utterly threw herself into his embrace, crying for the desperate way they held onto each other.

"I love you so much, Mulder," She sobbed, "I'm sorry I didn't say it before, and I'm sorry that I asked you not to. I was so lost without you. I thought about you every waking moment, and dreamed about you every sleeping one. And it scares me, how much I need you with me. I didn't think I could be without you if we said it, but I know now it doesn't matter. I love you; spoken or unspoken, separate or together, you are my whole world."

They stayed like that for several minutes, each clutching the other too them as if they were the last two people on earth. There was only them and their love, and the outside world had no part in it. When Scully finally lifted her head from his chest and looked into his face, she saw the most amazing expression of love and adoration reflected back upon her. Her tears had stopped, and he ran his thumb across her cheek to dry the paths they had left. She felt shaky and foolish, but completely safe in his arms.

"Was that so hard?" He teased quietly

She laughed, amazed that she could still do so. She knew what their confession had cost them both, and it made it that much more astounding. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than this man.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, the gesture soothing and familiar. The sound of a HUM-V pulling into the compound interrupted their temporary bliss, a cruel reminder of where they were. Without a word they started walking again, one arm wrapped around the waist of the other as they did so.

"What now?" She asked, dreading the answer

"We get married."

The unexpectedness of his answer made her laugh like she hadn't laughed in days. It was so out of left field and so decidedly Mulder that she just couldn't help it.

"You know we can't," She said when she'd finally regained her composure

"I know," He answered with a smile, "But I knew it would make you smile. And I am going to marry you one day, Dana Scully. Mark my words; you'll not get away from me now."

"I'd never dream of it," She answered, heart so full of love she was sure it would burst


End file.
